I guess that given Phillip's presentation at UK Sunderland last week (the images of 30-foot high turkeys staring at our audience is stuck in my mind!), I was drawn to the annual story of Bush pardoning the Thanksgiving turkeys. I was struck again by a thought I have been having intermittently over the past years: So many of our ritualistic events feel increasingly hackneyed, forced, fake to me. As if all meaning has been drained away from them.
Maybe it is because so many of these events now seem to exist, to be interpreted through or thought of via marketing lenses. The emotional resonance has disappeared.
From Halloween, to birthday parties, to Thanksgiving, to Christmas, to baby showers, to weddings. All of these are full of rituals that seem increasingly forced. Full of activities that are found on someone's mental checklist (Toast, check. Dance, check. Garter, check. Bouquet, check.)
Maybe it is because I have been through the same activities so many times and I have become bored, jaded, cynical about them. Which is truly sad. Because getting together with family and friends is important. It just seems that these rituals get in the way of true togetherness. We are so busy running through the checklist that we don't enjoy anything. We don't talk to each other, until, at least, we are full of too much wine/beer/liquor and then we can't stop talking incoherent crap AT each other. Sigh.
I think we need new rituals. More personal ones. Fewer "mass marketing" ones. What do you think?
I definitely think we need to be more open to creating our own traditions and evolving/changing ones that we seem to outgrow. But then again, I am not proposing we create a Seinfeld-like Festivus.
Seperate from this, to me, is the forced nature of the activities. I've stuck with them and found new reasons to enjoy them (my kids).
But you bring up an interesting point. I am very politically correct about THE HOLIDAYS and joke that it's not Christmas' fault that they had a better marketing plan!
Posted by: Kevin Dugan | November 23, 2005 at 12:54 PM
Ah Elizabeth, my SERIOUS sister, relax! Holidays have always been a mix of tradition and marketing. Yes, we are overwhelmed by it today, but you can either allow all the bows and music and "gift lists" to force you into believing you have to do or have those things, or your make your OWN holiday. Remember those days? Days when a bag of Doritos or your OWN 2 liter bottle of Coke wrapped under the christmas tree was a BIG DEAL? How about the way our gifted Mother could always mangage to fill the space under the Christmas tree while rasing 3 kids on a single income? Those gifts that meant SO much more than they ever cost because of the thought that went into them.
What about Christmas Eve at the Smith's with Grammie banging pots and pans and marching down the street and Nancy's crab and cheese puffs waiting? Remember when I came back from Afghanistan and she made them for me because I missed them at Christmas? THAT is tradition. Endless games of Rummy 2000! Scrabble! Facts in Five! Sneaking Gram's cookies! Aunt Maggie's Mashed Potatoes!
I remember my first Christmas away from home sitting in Korea and trying, in my own way, to follow those traditions still...and doing it again..in Haiti and Afghanistan. Those memories, moments and traditions are the things I remembered when I was away from home, not the gifts or bows or the commercials. I would have crossed the oceans for just one hour of love and welcome in the kitchen of The House.
SO, when you get annoyed by the holiday music playing BEFORE Thanksgiving and the retailers pushing THE gift you must have- YOU can just smile and roll your eyes (like ONLY you can) and know that the SPIRIT of the holidays can only be felt in the heart not the wallet. Go home, make some cocoa with mini-marshmallows, think about the hysterical stocking stuffers Mom will give you this year, challenge P. to scrabble, sing carols to the boogas and call your sister because she knows you are missing us, and she misses you too!
Posted by: Sarah Albrycht | November 23, 2005 at 04:55 PM
Well, apparently my old Oscar the Grouch personality was shining through on this post! (Or maybe I should say Grinchish?). Thanks sis for reminding me of what is important. Maybe I am feeling grumpy because I am so far away from my family right now! But you brought back the good memories (Remember 'button button whose got the button' when the heat went out and it was 60 below a few years back at New Years? HAHAHA. Luckily we had plenty of wine!)
So, dear readers, the moral of the story is - don't let the marketing hype get you down! Create your own rituals and celebrate the odd ball memories.
Thanks for cheering me up oh sister of mine :-)
Posted by: Elizabeth Albrycht | November 23, 2005 at 05:13 PM
I stumbled across your blog while I was doing some online research. I agree that many of our rituals seem forced, but I think it's because we DO force them on ourselves. Where has our spontaneity gone? Where is our individuality? Where is our joy?
Posted by: panasianbiz | July 28, 2006 at 02:58 AM